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16 June 2010 @ 02:08 am
I've never had a relationship end on the phone before and I'm feeling the effects now. I had a dream that we were still friends and I woke up and it took so long to realize that she was still gone because I never got to say goodbye to her.
I've been waking up in the middle of the night twice or three times a night ever since. I have enough problems with night mares, now my happy dreams are giving me grief? Yeesh. Guilt at it's finest, people.
In much more sunny news, AA real monsters is streaming on Netflix and it totally holds up.
Also Wizard Philly was much better than expected! Lauren stayed at my house one night and on Sunday night Allison and Nigel stayed over and it we had a blast running around Philly and going to the mutter museum. I always forget how much I miss my con friends until I hang with them.
Nigel convinced me fully to get back on the comedy horse, at least for a little while. Attacking keswick coffee open mic tomorrow for sure.
It's funny...I'm used to being alone when I process these kinds of feelings. It's so strange to feel alone without being alone...
Blair had to leave us. And it was a problem with me. Believe me when I say that I don't hate her for this, and I am not a victim in any way, shape, or form. But she does not want to see me or hear from me, at least not for a very long time. If you know her, please give her the love and support she deserves in a time when she needs it. She is a beautiful person and I feel like a monster for being someone that hurt her. I never wanted to be that person.
I wish I had done something more wrong than what I did. It hurts more that it was more of a problem with who I am.
I'm being captain vague out of respect, I do not want to post our conversations on the internet.
Current Mood: numbnumb
28 May 2010 @ 12:42 am
So I have this new job canvassing for Oxfam America. It's one of my dream jobs despite the obvious hang ups that go with standing on street corners and asking people for money.
But in order to keep it I need to make $115 either today or tomorrow through street corner canvassing. I'm trying to make it happen tomorrow by stocking the pool.
If anyone, repeat, ANYONE is willing to donate a lil' money to oxfam (oxfam.org), really bad ass non profit, and will be around center city from 3:30-9:30 by god please text me and I will tell you where will be standing. More than likely I will be in either Old City, Rittenhouse, or Washington Square park.
If you do not have my number I will be checking facebook tomorrow morning for private messages and I will send it out.
Thank you in advance if you decide to help a sista out.
Much love,
25 May 2010 @ 02:25 pm
Oh hey livejournal, sorry I forgot to give a shit.
I'm most certainly resurrecting this sucker because I'm going to Norway in August and I need to keep some form of travel thingy.
Some stuff:
Today I got my gahdang learner's permit back again. Fun fact-I got my learners permit when I was 18. Then I squatted on it for four years, and Pennsylvania wasn't cool with giving me a long time to get over my driving anxiety so they yanked it. Today I took the test again and got it back. By the way-I received no questions about lights or signage. Just underage drinking. Thanks PA, it is very important to test a 22 year old on the knowledge of underage drinking laws so she can drive legally. I'm really glad you noticed this and then BLAHFFHFHHGHGHGH
My new obsession is Dylan Moran.
The Marina Abramovic exhibit in NY was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I almost cried.
Oh yeah, this isn't supposed to be happy news but it is! I cried yesterday! My meds make it really hard to cry and lately I have had several situations where I wanted to and couldn't and got really frustrated. Then Mike said something about missing me while I was in Norway and I actually cried! Granted being happy about crying stopped the crying pretty fast, but details! I think it's maybe been a year or something since I cried for an emotional reason.
But back to Marina. She was always my hero for the house with an ocean view, but god after that exhibit I realized how truly amazing she really is. I've contemplated going back, but decided against it. too much to take care of here.
In the exhibit there was a sort of slender naked man with long blonde hair and a six o'clock shadow lying on a white slab with a skeleton laying on top of him, it's bones in the same position as his, parallel to him lying on top of him. His eyes were closed and he was kind of in a daze, not really asleep but very zoned out. I stared at him for awhile, mainly his face. His chest was rising and falling as he breathed. This made the skull of the skeleton occasionally hover above his skull for a few seconds, then gently touch back down. His eyes at one point opened kind of lazily, and we gradually made eye contact. I could tell he wanted to smile but couldn't because he was performing, or tired, or just very zoned out. I smiled at him and made eye contact for a long time. I walked away then. My only regret is not telling him he was beautiful. Maybe he got the message anyway.
11 February 2010 @ 09:37 pm
This is a proxy lj post posted by my boyfriend because I am snowed into my work until 8am (three four hour shifts, baby) and livejournal is blocked here.
So gather around the fire and let's chat about what's been going on since I last left you.
I did an hour long presentation for the women's center about BDSM that was attended by 50 fucking people. I thought it was just a women's center club meeting which is usually 15 but apparently the Residence Hall Association decided it would be cute to make the thing a social. So 50 people showed up. And I stuttered my way to victory. Meaning I think I converted a few people, scared a few more, and a couple of people approached me and said that they came because they were curious about the lifestyle and felt really confident now. MAKING A DIFFERENCE IS AWESOME, GUYS.
On Monday I'm doing another presentation about trans issues. Let's hope it goes equally well!
Also, the Ethnic Studies institute is letting me accept my paper about Transgender Jewish identity and gender specific religious ritual. Dr. Ruchti said my research was innovative and that I have a really good chance of getting into the Phd. program at Rutgers.
This time next year, you may be looking at a doctoral candidate, provided I get my academic ducks in a row.
I already fucked up the "i'm living in only 3 places this year" thing by sort of un officially living with Blair. I would stay at my apartment, but the bed isn't as comfortable as a couch, it's far away from everything, and I don't get to cuddle with a leg of my poly tripod when I wake up so...yeah.
Speaking of which, I am pretty much three way committed now. It's sweet. Two of the sexiest people on the face of the planet love me for some reason. I have no idea how it's working so well but I count my blessings every day. My parents didn't throw a shit fit, which is double exciting. I don't like keeping major secrets from them.
The snow is preventing me from winter flea in Boston. Sad. But I will be going to Wicked Faire! Hopefully to have a hedonistic psycho love fest of equal or greater value than last year! (it will be hard to top last year, but god damn I will have to try!).
This just in-I am on the second hour a triple shift (12 hours) at the shelter and already one of the residents has said to me "If I were a dog and you were a flower, I'd lift up my leg and give you a shower".
If I don't maul anyone by the end of this it is going to be a goddamn miracle. Maybe I should watch total recall again. That seemed to keep me from mauling last time this happened.
25 December 2009 @ 11:23 pm
I'm pretty sick this christmas! Hyperphlegmtown! I had soup and airborne for breakfast, but who cares. My christmas tree had a cooler topper than yours, so mnyeah!

I woke up to a harmonium and bamboo flute duet of "oh christmas tree". There was strange vegetarian cheesy casserole and I got these pretty sweet plastic furry fingers and a picture frame from tijuana from my brother.
I miss my boyfriend and my Blair!
It's really hard to deal with reality when your head is full of mucus!
I also got this phone that I can pour water on and it still works.
I have my job back at Passional for break. Come visit!
Also did I mention I'm studying abroad in Norway in the Fall? Thinking about making a documentary about my journey to attempt to get to a Kaizers Orchestra concert, possibly getting a hug from Janove Ottesen. *shrug*.
Arctic circle wahoo!
07 December 2009 @ 06:50 pm
...is a goddamn medusa flogger


A green one. I've been eyeing these things up since the day I walked into passional. God if I owned one I'm pretty sure I would just up and name it excalibur. So goddamn gorgeous and just...oomph. sooo much oomph!
30 November 2009 @ 07:35 pm
I feel blessed lately. Here's a happy list!
-Peppermint mocha
-Assam tea and/or Paris Tea from Harney & Sons
-Sitting next to a huge lake talking to Mike over thanksgiving.
-Running into people I know on a two hour bus ride where I would have just stared into space.
-Cuddling with people I know on a two hour bus ride where I would have just stared into space.
-Tally Hall playing at the Note Dec 14th hell yes.
-Kinky photo shoots! I had a photoshoot with titlecharacter this weekend and one at Diabolique Ball with Ken from photoplay. I can't wait to see them and post theme everywhere "appropriate" (sorry, facebook).
-Giving presentations on the leather community at school! After my trial run at LGBTQA, I have been getting requests to speak on behalf of my kinky bretherin at other functions! I'm not necessarily looking to change the world, but I feel like in order for change to happen, someone needs to be the asshole to speak first. Quite frankly I don't have time to start a revolution, but I can be an enabler :-). I want to do more research and watch other speakers on these topics. I hardly pretend to be an expert, just a shiny rubber-clad advocate.
-My little for APO rocks. 'nuff said. And I just got her shiny new letters today. Can't wait to see her become a full brother!
-The residents at the shelter smoke out back now, so now door-buzzy is off my list of already piecemeal duties over there. When it gets shitty, it's shitty, but I got blessed with an above minimum wage job where I actually work maybe 5% of the time I am there.
-Michael met my family on my dad's side. And they all love him. Because everyone loves him.
-Nikola Tesla. He's dead. But I think if I hold a seance I could call down lightning and harness the immense power of mad science. In the same vein, http://girlgeniusonline.com if you like steampunk or mad science, get on top of this shit. SO friggin' good.
-My IHL tat (not new, been there awhile now). It's a great way for wicked faire people to figure me out on the street, and I like it more every day.
I could keep yammering, but I gotta go to work. Peace!
Current Mood: jubilantjubilant
24 November 2009 @ 12:20 pm

I am now in a D/S relationship with a really gorgeous woman...and I'm the S.
Who knew I could kneel for more than an hour? It's the eyes, man. I'm in trouble. Also I have a weakness for being called "good girl" and she immediately said that she wanted to call me little girl. So my new name alone gets me weak in the knees. God damn. Learn something new about myself every day.

Y'know, life is less complicated now that I acknowledge that it's okay for my heart to be bigger than one person, not more. If anything Mike and I just keep getting stronger.
Out of respect for my mistress I 'ent posting a name or picture here, but if you're lucky you'll meet her :-).

Someone pointed out recently that I only get involved with redheads. I have started to check myself and I have realized that uh, yeah I seem to only notice redheads anymore. I swear to god it's an accident. But everytime I see someone walk by and go "whoa, they are cute" chris goes "redhead" and I go "GODDAMNIT!!".
Issues. I have them.

08 November 2009 @ 12:12 pm
Also some random halloween shots. I joined the off campus and commuter association to represent LGBTQA  (i live on campus) and they had a halloween party. I didn't have a costume so my costume was "I am from space".
It worked. And they wrapped me in toilet paper.

Lightning bolt! I am treasurer of Gender Studies Club, Historian of Alpha Phi Omega and LGBTQA, and now I'm with these nutbars. Awesome, but exhausting. And people wonder why I'm skipping the country next fall for a few months.
more spacey and fisnetty goodness.Collapse )